My mother never told me:

I was the reason my dad was bald.

And my kids are the reason for my husbands.

It’s a vicious cycle.

My mother never told me.

The “terrible twos” start at 14 months.

My mother never told me:

After your children are out of diapers, someone will have a baby and you will miss having an infant.

Until you babysit said infant for longer then an hour.

My mother never told me:

Kids don’t understand “knock it off” or “stop”,

until you raise your voice and threaten their lives.

Or take away their electronics.

Which to them is about the same thing.

My mother never told me:

When a child asks, “Can I have a drink?” from your cup/can/bottle, kiss the whole thing good bye.

You aren’t getting that sucker back.

And if by some small miracle you do get it back, you aren’t going to want it.

My mother never told me…

Kids love, love, LOVE scary movies.

Until it’s bedtime.

My mother never told me:

Never let your toddler walk in on you changing clothes.

They are brutally honest.

Emphasis on ‘brutally.’

My mother never told me:

You may cry when you realize your child is two inches taller then you.

And has armpit hair.

My mother never told me:

My kids will always be cuter then the kids next to them.

With better personality!

My mother never told me:

Kids suck all the energy out of you.

And keep it for themselves.