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The Bible: Mom and Son (age 6)

Mom: We are going to read the Bible.

Son: I hate the Bible. Wait. What’s the Bible?

Mom: The Book that teaches us about God!

Son (Fist pumping): I LOVE THE BIBLE!!!!

Anon kid- 11 years old…

(After dad told him to check if the door is open…)

Dad: What took you so long?

Kid: I had to open the door to check.

My mother never told me:

I was the reason my dad was bald.

And my kids are the reason for my husbands.

It’s a vicious cycle.

My mother never told me.

The “terrible twos” start at 14 months.

My mother never told me:

After your children are out of diapers, someone will have a baby and you will miss having an infant.

Until you babysit said infant for longer then an hour.

My mother never told me:

Kids will eat ice cream and candy until they get sick.
And get sick until they don’t have to eat vegetables.

My mother never told me:

Kids don’t understand “knock it off” or “stop”,

until you raise your voice and threaten their lives.

Or take away their electronics.

Which to them is about the same thing.

My mother never told me:

When a child asks, “Can I have a drink?” from your cup/can/bottle, kiss the whole thing good bye.

You aren’t getting that sucker back.

And if by some small miracle you do get it back, you aren’t going to want it.