My mother never told me:

Sick kids will not even attempt to make it to the bathroom to vomit. Sometimes they will roll to their side. Most of the time they don’t.

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My mother never told me…

Kids like to wipe boogers on the walls.

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My mother never told me:

When you tell a kid to clean, they will move the mess from one room to another. It is a nonstop cycle.

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My mother never told me….

You will find foot prints on the ceiling of your brand new car. But no one will know how they got there.

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My mother never told me…

Just when you think you are done with all the laundry, your kids will bring you 5 more loads.

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My mother never told me:

The first time you have your child do dishes by hand, explain to that child: They need to use a sponge and soap. Not just their hand.

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My mother never told me:

Dark green carpet + bottle of bleach + 8 year old trying to help bring in groceries= You are getting new carpet.

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My mother never told me:

It takes all day to clean your house. 2 minutes for the kids to destroy it.

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My mother never told me

A toddler will finger paint with poop if given the chance. And it’s very difficult to remove from walls.

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My Mother Never Told Me:

that baby wipes will effectively remove Sharpie from skin – and there WILL be Sharpie on skin, especially when Daddy is left in charge.

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